The Gay Divorcee

Okay, get this: I was surfing the channels on my TV via my Comcast remote control, scrolling up and down the TV guide for a nice show to watch while gobbling down my dinner like a hungry lunatic, when I stumbled upon a movie named The Gay Divorcee. And immediately I thought to myself, "Gay Porn? Cannot be!" I have to admit, that title was a little too direct to misinterpret, right? A married man who becomes gay and divorces his wife, hence The Gay Divorcee.

But I was not so easily convinced since I do not subscribe to any form of visual indecency. So I clicked the Information button and see what it was all about. And lo and behold, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers were in the movie. A 1934 flick as well. The first thing that came to my mind was--and don't think me thick for this natural response--"They already had porn way back then already?"

Well, of course, that thought came and gone within seconds. I wasn't that stupid. I mean, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers in a steamy scene? Come on, I know the golden age of musicals like the back of my hand, and they barely kissed during that time, at least not until Marilyn Monroe came along with her pouty smile and her sleepy eyes and whispy voice. And not to mention her famous oops-the-vent's-blowing-my-skirt-up-up-and-away scene in The Seven Year Itch.

Anyway, forget about Marilyn and let's get back to Fred and Ginger. It's all about etymology. I mean, the word gay used to mean happy. So, in essence, The Gay Divorcee should be about a divorced man who is happy. Agree? But fast forward to the 21st century, gay means a lot more than happy. So if Hollywood were to whip out a movie with a title such as The Gay Divorcee, unless it means a gay man skipping around town whistling happy showtunes, that movie's not going to fly anywhere. Meaning, blockbuster turkey of the year! Because titles and meanings are important.

Let me illustrate. Imagine Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets as Harry Potts and the Chamber Pots of Secrets (and yes, this title does exist, but did not do too well in the market, go figure). How do you think it would sell? Or imagine The Reader as The Illiterate? It won't sell either. Or how about The Notebook as The Forgetful Lovers? Get my drift here?

In conclusion, The Gay Divorcee wouldn't be The Gay Divorcee today, but Happy Feet. Oh wait, that title's been taken. Damn the penguins! But in anyway, The Gay Divorcee would be called by any other name BUT The Gay Divorcee.

So, here's my challenge. If you've seen the movie, let me know what you think The Gay Divorcee should be named today. Remember, titles are important. They can make or break your movie, book, or child. (I know of a woman whose name is Gamble Lynn Money. Needless to say, she's doing time now at the top of the mountain--prison, for those not from Utah County--for poisoning her parents.

Back to the topic at hand: give me your ideas, suggestions. What would The Gay Divorcee be called today should it be a modern day movie? I trust that you will give it a blockbuster name.

And now, I rest my case.

I've Never Heard of It, Thus It Does Not Exist

A funny thing happened in one of those long meetings I have to attend every week. This time, they were discussing one of those copies I'd written for a conference. It was something I'd been working on for a long time--a couple of weeks to be exact--and I was pretty excited to present it to the board. The board, meaning the marketing heads, communication tails, and our notorious ring leader, the VP. Now, having a VP in a meeting is already a dreadful thing (I understand), but having OUR VP is a whole different story. A bit of history: this guy is . . . well, you'll find out at the end of this entry.

And so my story continues . . . So there I was, sitting in my chair at the end of the oblong conference table opposite the VP, trying to remain seated and contain myself (I have the tendency to bounce around in my seat when meetings go too long; it's called slight autism and mental retardation) while everyone pretended to peruse the copy with ease. I know these people; they had no idea what I was writing about. But for the sake of securing their day jobs, they had to nod and make smart comments after every line). But that was okay. I didn't mind. After all, a writer must face all kinds of criticism, good and bad.

And then it was the VP's turn to comment on a certain paragraph on the copy. He paused, made a face, paused longer, pursed his lips, stared at the ceiling for a while, and then back at the copy. "Are you a writer?" he asked.

My initial response would be: "Duh, haven't I written for your company for years already? Wasn't I hired as a 'writer'????" Instead, I said, "Yes."

"Then what is this word doing on this line?"

"Which word?"

At this point, all eyes were on the VP and me, moving from side to side like watching a Wimbledon match. "Beneficial. This word does not exist, does it?" my VP said.

Straightaway, my manager interrupted. "Yes it does. Beneficial is a word, and it is appropriately used in that paragraph."

The VP shook his head and frowned. "I've never heard of it. It does not exist. Use another word. Replace it with another word. I can't believe you make up your own word here."

At this, I was speechless. My throat just started to tickle. I had to laugh, but I realized I was in an austere meeting with our VP and must maintain some kind of corporate decorum, which I did with difficulty. It was a challenge. I looked around and noticed that I was the only one with a smirk on my face. Everyone else was as serious as prisoners on death row. So I quickly cleared my throat and said, "Yes, I'll change it to a word that exists."

"Good. Meeting adjourn. Everything else looks good. Gotta tighten the copy a bit next time."

"Aye, aye, sir!" I made my silly salute and winked. But that was, of course, after he left the room.

All I'm saying is, go figure.

What Should I Be Doing on Memorial Weekend?

Finally! I can now call myself an author. I've finished writing a book--it took me a honking four years to get this far--and it feels great! No, it feels wonderful! I printed my manuscript and placed it in a safe place so that I can mull over other things before returning to it later. Well, 2 weeks have passed and I have not yet done anything with it. Arrgh, it's so frustrating because I am a natural procastinator. My wife gives me a scouring look every time I mention anything about my career as a full-time writer--not because she does not believe in me, but because she thinks I should just do it instead of talking about it. (She's tired of being just a housewife; she wants fame and fortune, and she wants it PRONTO! Or so I think.)

So this is my plan. This weekend, I'm going to re-read my manuscript from first to last page just to make sure there isn't any typos or embarrassing errors. I'm determined to be committed to my manuscript. And this weekend is going to be the time I get it done once and for all.

Come next week, I shall be saying hello to agents all over the country. And by October, I'll have a deal. By the end of this year, my manuscript will be sold. Sounds like a plan? Yeah, I think so too.

And if you'll excuse me, I've got some moving-on to do.

Serenity

The Tempest

Sinking into Reality

Finally, I'm one chapter away from completing the final revision of my manuscript. I should feel relieved, right? But no. Instead, I feel nervous about the whole thing, which is weird. So I've been thinking, why am I feeling this way? A normal person should be jumping up and down for finishing something that has taken too long to complete. I should be shouting at the top of my lungs, shouting for joy, proclaiming to the world that I am finally done! But then I realized why I'm feeling on the edge. It's really hard to describe, but anecdotally, here's a story that explains my feelings more clearly:

Imagine an artist working on his masterpiece. Year after year he labors on the piece of art, mulling over it, taking his time to make it something perfect. At the same time, he anticipates for the day he would reveal it to the world and receive tons of accolades for it. And when the time finally comes for him to reveal it, all of a sudden, he feels vulnerable, especially the moment before he lifts the veil from his masterpiece in front of thousands of people. He feels nervous, now more conscious than ever about his skills, his creativity. What would people think? Will they hate it? Love it? Or not care? That moment, that miniscule second before the veil drops to expose his masterpiece is the hardest to swallow. 

And that is what I am going through. This will be the moment where my career as a writer would either take flight or fall straight to the slosh pile of somebody else's garbage can. So I'm crossing my fingers and focusing on just the best. Peace out!

So Close!

Finally, I'm on Chapter 25 in my revision process. It's getting close, considering my novel only has 35 chapters. At first, I was thinking of adding a few more chapters here and there, but on second thought, I gave up that ambition --I'm already at 79,500 words and I am not planning to go over 80,000. As I get closer to the end, I am excited--scratch that, I'm actually estatic!--to be reaching my dream.

The revision process is an interesting process, really. It helps me look deeper inside as a writer and find that passion, mold it and remold it, and use it over and over again to create better sentences, better words, and a richer, more meaningful story. Rewriting is rediscovering.

I have become my worst critic. Sometimes I hate my own words, and sometimes I think I am good. It's a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde syndrome, which can be freakin' crazy if you ask me. But amid those sleepless nights when the struggle for words and sentences seem to dominate my entire existence, I find hope in one thing: Money. Yes, that's right! I write so that I may feed my babies. I follow the footsteps of Charles Dickens, really. Money is ultimately my motivation.

I remember reading a quote from a famous writer. She said--and I paraphrase--if she had her choice, she would rather win a lottery and catch up with her reading instead of writing. And I thought that was very practical.

I don't believe writers who keep saying they write for themselves. Well, that's good and dandy as long as they have no desire to publish. If they do, they need to face the fact that they are, indeed, writing for others. I write for the money, have always been, and I am proud of it!

Introducing Authonomy

Okay, I hope I can contain myself while writing this. I've discovered a wonderful site for writers, readers, and people who have the same interest in good books and so on. It's called Authonomy, a wonderful site created by editors from Harper Collins to help unpublished writers get spotted and published.

As a writer, you'll be able to post your entire manuscript for everyone to read and comment on. And if everyone loves your work and recommends it enough, it'll land on the editor's desk of the site. It's a lot to explain, but only a few minutes for you to find out. Already three new authors have been signed to Harper Collins. This is a great opportunity for all of us, new writers, to get our works out there.

One great thing about Authonomy that I like other than the chance to post my work, is to be able to read the works of other writers and see what other people are writing. I am, so far, loving Authonomy. To find out more about Authonomy, log on to Authonomy.com and register. Read all the FAQs and get to know the purpose and the benefits of the site. Then use it.

So, don't wait, go discover!

Life is All About Spontaneity!

This happened in Liverpool. If only we can do something like that in Utah!

How to Write Consistent Characters

Have you ever experienced writing a novel with colorful characters, and after the twentieth chapter, completely went off tangent on them? If you were me, by the tenth chapter, my characters would all be slightly inconsistent. For example, one of my characters started of with blue eyes and fair skin, and ended up with brown eyes and tanned skin with a foreign accent to boot--not even I knew how that came about. But then I realized the source to the problem. 

With my busy schedule and my day job, I only wrote when I could. And sometimes, it would be days in between writing. Although my plot was consistent, my characters surely were not! They were here and there, spilled all over my manuscript like disobedient ink. They could be so random sometimes I wasn't able to catch up. Like a confused parent, I would often call my characters by different names or give them different idiosyncrasies. Which was a terrible, horrible, vile thing to do as a writer. So I decided to stop and come up with a solution to all this before continuing. 

Sure, I could have pages of notes regarding each of the characters, but I knew myself too well. I would never in a hundred years refer back to those thick pads of notes I wrote. Neither would I remember to look at them. I tried sticking sticky notes all over my work station, and by the end of the week, I was tired of looking up and down to search for names and identities. So here is what I came up with. A picture board.

First, I am a visual person, and everything I write is completely drawn out like a movie. My characters have faces, and I like to pin them up for reference. I liken my characters to people I know--friends, family members, enemies, politicians, celebrities and so on. Then I'd search for these people in magazines and photo albums, cut their faces out and stick them on a picture board. Under each of the pictures, I write their names and certain particulars, such as dates of birth and things I want to remember about them. I don't make the list too long, just enough to trigger my imagination and memory. And that's it. So easy.

Every time I write about a certain character, I look at the picture board and imagine his face and his smile and everything else that comes with an expression. It's easier and more consistent. A right dimple will remain right and not roam into the left. The more I look at the faces, the more I know them, as if I am face to face with them. This way, characters will indeed be more consistent and real. It's almost like describing a friend.

Let me know different ways you conceptualize and frame your characters, and if my method works for you. Happy writing! 

Blah, Blah, Blah!

After writing and revising my novel every day since last week, I am finally able to say I am not afraid to write anymore, haha! You ask, why was I even afraid to write? A writer who has a fear of writing? Well, it's true. Before my strict writing routine, I was a professional procrastinator. This habit of mine started way back in my college years, like many eons ago. 

I used to not do any of my reading or homework until the day before. I sometimes even skipped exams. How stupid, right? Yeah, exactly. I was stupid, no other better words to describe me then. But all those procrastination and waiting and halting were just part of my fear of confronting the fact that I might not be able to write as well, or even write at all. Every time I had an idea, I just lay there in my lazy bed and imagined the words. I would have chapters written in my head, and they were good. But the ultimate problem was, they were ONLY written in my head. So, after lingering, and more lingering, I finally got sick of my attitude and decided to make a change. 

This year, I have been writing every day now, and it felt good. My wife would wake me up from my nap or interrupt me from my computer "work" to remind me of my commitment to the family. Yes, she makes it a big deal if I do not write. She is planning to bank on my selling my first manuscript this year. By summer, she said. Which is good, because if not because of her, I would not have overcome my fear of writing. I used to think I was too tired to write, and would put the whole task off until the weekends, and come weekends, I played more than I did anything else. But interestingly, after writing for so many days now, I am not able to stop. It's like an addiction of the strangest kind. I am closer to my characters and do look forward to seeing them everyday. Now I'm really writing and it feels good.

My revision of my novel is coming along pretty smoothly, I have to say. I am excited to complete the ever-so-daunting final revision and rewriting process. My novel looks good and I am confident that finding an agent for it is not difficult. (Pat on my back!)

Recently, I've just finished reading "The Reader," and am now on a new book, "The Emperor's Children." I just love reading and can't stop. Perhaps that is my inspiration. But my muse is definitely my wife, ha! It's true, love can make you do things you never think is possible.

And to my friends who are doing very well in their writing and pursuit of a career in writing, I offer you all my support. A shout out to Amber Smith! Way to go, girl. I've always said you'll make it first, and am I not always right? 

A New Year's Resolution

Okay, I'm not too much of a New Year's resolution type of guy, but deep inside, I feel it's about time I make some solid goals. First of all, I've been working on my debut novel for years, and I think it's about high time I finish it and get it out. I don't want to be one of those so-called writers who dabble on too many works and finish none. I am too prideful to fall into that category.

So this year, I am going to set goals for next year. By the end of 2009, I will have achieved these things:

1. Finished the long and tedious process of editing my novel.
2. Found and secured myself a literary agent.
3. Sold my first book.
4. Acquired film and international rights to my book.

I know those are pretty big goals, but if I don't set them, nothing will be accomplished. You are who you want to be. So in 2009, I want to be successful. As of right now, I play more than I write, which is a sad, sad thing. But I promise to improve and do better.

For all you writers, hang in there and keep writing. There is hope yet. 2009 will see the publishing industry rebounce. I have already purchased too many books this Christmas, and I am glad I did that. The bookstores were packed with people like street markets, as if free books were being given away. And that is a good sign.

So all you new writers, persevere and complete your novels, take a year to edit your work, and take another to re-write. And before you know it, your book will be ready to publish. Remember, patience is a virtue.

May your New Year be bookmarked as one of the finest pages ever written!

Funniest Thing on Earth!

Can you stop laughing after watching this?

Prop 8: Keith Olbermann Sums It Up!

The Obama/McCain Dance Off

I laughed my arse off when I first saw this video. If Obama and McCain were to be dancers instead of politicians, they would dance exactly the same way portrayed in this video--I can see that happening actually. Scary! Anyway, watch the video below and tell me if it does not cause you to giggle a bit. I did more than that--I fell on the floor, face down, and laughed so hard I thought I'd die any minute.

Without much ado, I present you a tickling video of Obama and McCain . . . dancing:

Decision 2008

All right, people! When it comes to the national election, I am thrilled. I have been following the political scene since last year, and I have my personal pick on who should be president. But that's besides the point. I happen to come across a comprehensive and intelligent article on Gather.com (and if you are not yet a member, join now, you'll never regret it) and found it quite enlightening and well thought of. I am attaching the link to this post. This is a MUST-READ!

Here it is:
The Case for Obama

Consumers Beware

Okay, this is freaking me out. I was shopping at Wal-Mart just the other day, minding my business, vulturing the taco aisle for some fresh soft tacos. And guess what I saw? A bag of green tacos! And upon a closer look, the thing that made them green was the mold, hairy, fuzzy, slimy mold. And the bag was infected tacos was sitting right there on the shelf, all pretty and ready to buy. So, I shuddered and quickly notified the sales attendant. But none spoke English, so I had to pull them over to the aisle to look at the green mold. Once the attendant saw it, he quickly pulled it off the shelf and walked away. Of course, he did it with a smile and a nod, but ever so casually as if that green thing was a common Wal-Mart scene. Yike, I thought. Since then, I never shopped at Wal-Mart for groceries anymore.

And here's one reason why:

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

The Making of a President

"I'm reminded every single day that I'm not a perfect man. I will not be a perfect president. But I can promise you this: I will always tell you what I think and where I stand. I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you when we disagree. But most importantly, I will open the doors of government and ask you to be involved in your own democracy again."

~Barack Obama

Book Crossing!

There I was, running back from the huge garbage dump behind my apartment complex when I stumbled upon this book lying on the pavement--more like in the middle of the road! It was Jodi Picoult's Nineteen Minutes, the novel I had wanted to read when it first came out. On the cover was a sticker that says, "Free Book, Read Me!" A free book--and a hard cover at it too? No way, I thought, but I picked it up anyway and brought it home.

Came to find out, on the front cover was another label that gave instructions to how this free thingy works. It's a program called Book Crossing, a traveling library of sorts that encourages people to leave their books behind for others to pick up. From one hand to another, books get passed and read for free. It's a great thing and anyone from anywhere in the world should participate. It's a beautiful thing. 

Here's the link: www.BookCrossing.com

From there you can track who has read the book before you and register books you want to leave for others to read. It's a brilliant idea.

Enjoy, and discover the world through giving. Literacy is the bomb!

The Time is Nigh

Yup, that's right! I am in my final stage of revising my manuscript, and I'm sky-flying excited. But before I go any further, I just want to direct everyone to this blog I've recently spotted. It's by a literary agent based in San Francisco, and from the looks of it, he's pretty nice. Now, that does not mean he's going to accept your manuscript--you still have to be a stellar writer (like me, ha, ha!)--but he's nice enough to give you tips and helpful hints on how to better your work. Better still, how to market your manuscript to an agent (like him).

So, if you're a writer with something ready to sell, go to his blog and start reading. Believe you me, I have taken up the fancy of reading literary agents' blogs--and you should be seeing a lot of these links featured on my blog as time passes--and I'm learning everyday. I think they are rather amusing, entertaining, and utterly useful in helping me pave my way to stardom (yeah, I write for money, no arguments there).

Oh, the link to the agent's blog is on the right column of my blog site. Have fun and may the most committed writer prevail!

And before I forget, the name of the agent is Nathan Bransford! Check him out now.